The Coffee Shop Chronicles
by GuiltyPleasuresAndDeadlySins
Summary: A series of drabble-esque pieces using my OC 'Zee' from 'Of Coffee, Love and Free Muffins'. May have strong language at some points - please read author's notes for warnings if this offends you.
1. 1: Introduction

Zee first met Anthony Dinozzo when she was on holiday in New York

_A/N: welcome to The Coffee Shop Chronicles. It is my great pride to offer them to you lol. Anyway, just a series of drabble-esque pieces that I decided I ought to write and post. They use my OC 'Zee' from 'Of Coffee, Love and Free Muffins'. All team members will be involved, but Tony is the catalyst for them all being introduced to Zee (with the exception of Kate and Ziva, but you'll understand that when you read). Hope you enjoy._

_Warnings: none, I don't think…_

_Disclaimer: nothing is mine. Unfortunately._

* * *

Zee first met Anthony Dinozzo when she was on holiday in New York. She'd been sat on a bench in Central Park reading a book – The Golden Torc by Julian May – when he'd slumped down beside her. They'd gotten talking about the Saga of the Exiles, books that they both loved.

They'd stayed in touch after she'd gone back to Washington, meeting up whenever they could. She'd been his best friend and confidant when things got bad. He'd been her best friend and protector through several bad relationships. But they were never lovers – although many thought that was the logical progression of their relationship, especially Zee's parents. They both knew that they were just to similar for it to work out between them.

* * *

Zee first met Abigail Sciuto when Tony was giving her a lift home, not long after he'd started working at NCIS. It was her birthday and she was working the late shift at the family coffee shop just to get the chance to see him. Tony had brought Abby in – citing the best muffins and donuts around – just to give her the present he'd bought for her. The goth had instantly taken to the spunky waitress – better than she'd taken to Tony.

It was Zee's biggest claim to fame that she'd been the one who succeeded in instigating Tony and Abby's inseparable friendship. It also started their weekly Friday night movie marathon. Every Friday they'd get together and watch and criticize their favourite movies for several hours before they fell asleep curled up on the couch together.

* * *

Zee first met Doctor Donald Mallard the first time Tony had been severely injured while working at NCIS. She was down as his emergency contact and next of kin so she'd had to sign multiple forms. Ducky had been attempting to get news on Tony's condition. He'd ended up consoling her while she'd worried that she might be about to lose her best friend.

Ducky had done his best to assure her that he'd be fine, pulling on what little he had known about Tony at that time. She'd ended up crying on the kindly old ME's shoulder babbling on about how she couldn't lose him after everything he'd done for her. Ducky was the first person to peg them as having a brother-sister relationship straight off.

* * *

Zee first met Leroy Jethro Gibbs around the same time. Or rather, after Gibbs caught the guy who's shot Tony. Much to her eternal embarrassment, she'd slapped him after he'd rather callously demanded who the hell she was and what the hell she was doing sitting in his Senior Field Agent's room. Already tense, upset and worried, the harsh questions had inflames her infamous temper.

IN the end, they'd made their peace, sat on either side of Tony's hospital bed as they waited for the man both of them had become inordinately attached to, to wake up. Neither could explain why they liked Tony so much, they just knew that they both held him dear in their hearts. That night, Tony had two guardian angels watching over him as he rested.

* * *

Zee first met Caitlin Todd shortly after Gibbs had hired the girl on the spot. She'd come in to grab coffee for herself, Tony and Gibbs. Zee recognized the orders for Gibbs and Tony instantly – she'd been giving it to one of them for over a year. As always, she put the team's breakfast beside the coffees. Kate had frowned in confusion – she'd only ordered the coffees.

Zee laughed and explained that she was basically the supplier of NCIS' number one team's coffee and breakfast and so knew their order off by heart and always sent them breakfast. Kate had been surprised but took it gracefully and accepted the complimentary 'Welcome to NCIS' muffin with a grin.

Zee first met Timothy McGee when she'd arranged to meet Abby for lunch and the forensic genius had dragged the new agent along. It had amused Zee how nervous the geek was around her to begin with, but it quickly got tiresome. So, she'd started an animated discussion about Guild Wars with Abby and that had drawn him out of his shell.

Zee knew the time, but appeared to be the only one aware of it's passage as they debated the pros and cons of each of the professions as a primary or secondary. They were in the middle of a huge argument about whether ritualists were any good – Zee said yes, Tim said no, Abby wasn't sure – when Abby and Tim realised that they were late for getting back.

* * *

Zee first met Ziva David when she'd been visiting NCIS to drop off coffee, muggings and donuts. Comfort food for her still grieving friends. Everyone – even Ducky – had tucked in, knowing full well that it was Zee's way of conveying her condolences and dealing with her own grief. Except Ziva David. She looked at the high sugar foods, frowned and then politely declined anything. Zee decided in that instant that she disliked the Mossad liaison agent with a passion.

Everyone in the bullpen except the woman in question noticed Zee's dislike for Ziva. She wasn't the kind of person who openly declared dislike, instead she hid it well and offered sly insults cloaked as compliments. Her victims never knew she disliked them. She was good like that, she could hide her true feelings about someone and let them think that she liked them.

* * *

_Please read and review!!_


	2. 61: Fairy Tale

__

And so the next instalment of The Coffee Shop Chronicles. Zee's daydream is depicted in italics. I don't believe there are any language warnings in this one – although there is a minor reference to bisexuality – if this offends you, I apologize.

_Again, I don't own anything apart from Zee and her coffee shop. (Metaphorically speaking)._

* * *

Zee leant forward on the counter, resting her head on her fist, her other hand fiddling with a pen. The shop was empty – it was the time of day when everyone was doing something _other _than drinking coffee. She sighed. While she had to be present it annoyed her. Still, she couldn't complain, her shop did good business the rest of the time – not least because it was situated so close to so many head offices. With nothing better to do, she slipped into a daydream…

* * *

…_The handsome Prince Zee escaped the clutches of the evil witch Ducky and his minion Ziva using cunning and guile. (And with a little assistance from the Princess' fairy godmothers Abigail, Anthony and Timothy). They made their way to the castle where the beautiful Princess Jay and all his courtiers were being held asleep._

_The entire fortress was covered in very thick bushes of roses and thorns. The handsome Prince Zee drew her sword smoothly and began to hack her way heroically through the dangerous bushes. Beside her in tiny fairy form Abigail, Anthony and Timothy flew, helping as best they could. They had almost made it when the evil witch Ducky and his minion Ziva appeared._

_The handsome Prince Zee stood bravely, sword at the ready, prepared to fight. The minion Ziva came at her first and she dispatched of her swiftly. It was slightly harder to dispatch of the evil witch Ducky, but she succeeded. Abigail, Anthony and Timothy led the handsome Prince Zee up the stairs to where the beautiful Princess Jay was sleeping. The three fairy godmothers faded away as the handsome Prince Zee leant down to kiss…_

* * *

…"Ahem," Gibbs cleared his throat, startling Zee out of her daydream. She shook her head to clear it as she turned to make Gibbs his coffee.

"Sorry," she apologized, turning back to find Gibbs staring at the pad on the counter. She looked at it. "Bugger…"

Zee hadn't realized that she'd been writing her daydream down. With a forced grin she rescued the pad (before Gibbs could persuade it that bursting into flame was a good idea with his eyes) and put it into the fridge. Only to realize the stupidity of this action and return it to the counter.

"Do you have something against Officer David?" Gibbs asked calmly. Considering the content of the daydream, it wasn't the question that the spunky barista had been expecting.

Zee shrugged. "She refused a muffin when I first met her," she stated as if this was a perfectly reasonable reason to harbour a grudge against someone.

"And Ducky?"

"No! It's just I couldn't really picture him as a fairy godmother."

"Guess it does suit Abby – but the other two?"

"Tonio's a born protector and Timmy's an absolute sweetheart!"

"And what exactly do you have against me?"

"Huh?"

"You have me as the Princess."

Zee turned back to the espresso machine. "Default. I was _not _going to be the damsel in distress."

"You know…" Gibbs leant forward. "The team won't be too pleased if they find out about this…what's it worth to you that I keep quiet? Perhaps say…a month's free coffee?"

"Two weeks."

"Three."

"Two and a half."

"Throw in a weeks free muffins and we have a deal."

"Deal."

Gibbs and Zee shook hands, before Zee handed him a cup of extremely strong coffee and a muffin. As he turned to leave, Zee's voice stopped him.

"You know something Jay?" she asked. "You ain't bad looking for a man your age."

She winked at him as he left.

* * *

Gibbs returned to the bullpen, a thoughtful, and slightly worried frown on his face.

"Something up Boss?" Tony asked as he entered.

"I know Zee's bi," Gibbs stated, the frown not wavering as he took his seat. Ziva and McGee were missing from their desks. "But does that mean she doesn't care about age?"

"What do I look like boss? A mind reader? Her fairy godmother?"

Gibbs choked on a mouthful of his coffee at that statement.

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed!! Please review!! _


	3. 72: Mischief Managed

_A/N: Very important this is HUMOUR!! They may be OOC a bit because it fits with the story. Please do not flame! Other than that. Enjoy. (And I still don't own anything)_Zee smiled as she walked into the bullpen, depositing a bag on Tony's desk.

* * *

"Good afternoon," she offered brightly. "I bring you the gift of lunch and muffins!"

"Coffee?" Gibbs grunted.

"Is coming, I have two helpers today."

At which point a waist high figure ran into Gibbs spilling coffee all over the lead agent's shoes. The small boy looked up at the ex-marine, frowning petulantly in the manner of children who'd just run into an object that they were certain hadn't previously been in their way.

"Dylan Ford-Parker!" Zee exclaimed. "You will apologize right now young man!"

"But Aunt Zee!" Dylan protested.

"Now! You ran into him."

"Aunty!"

"Dylan," Zee's voice took on a stern note of warning that would have anyone obeying her.

"Sorry," Dylan mumbled unwillingly to Gibbs.

"She always that stern?" Kate asked Tony in a stage-whisper.

"Only with Gibbs," Tony stage-whispered back with a grin as Zee glanced around.

"Dylan, where's the other half of the Da-rling Duo?" she asked. Dylan looked at her like she was mad. She sighed. "Where's Sophie?"

"In the elevator," Dylan admitted with a shrug.

The look that crossed Zee's face was one of comic horror, resignation and fury. She gave a forced smile and turned as though to bolt down the stairs. She was saved the unpleasant fate of falling down the stairs in a hurry when a security guard appeared carrying a crying little girl who was sucking her thumb between wails.

"I believe this belongs to you Miss Ford," he announced, depositing the little girl in Zee's relieved arms. "I know how difficult it can be, I have a couple of little ones of my own."

"Thank you so much," she smiled as he left. Then she turned her attention to the suddenly much quieter girl. "Sophie, what have I told you?"

"Awways stay wivvin eyesight of 'ou," Sophie mumbled childishly, sticking her thumb back in her mouth and looking adorable.

"Then why didn't you?"

"Big people."

Zee sighed and put Sophie down. "These are my niece and nephew, Sophie and Dylan Ford-Parker. Go say hello to your Uncle Tony guys."

"But Aunty Zee, you never married," Dylan pointed out, obviously confused.

"I know."

"Then how's he our uncle?"

"Guys, what do you think Aunt Abs is?"

"Isn't she your sister?" Sophie asked in a very small voice.

"I so totally need to talk to your parents."

"So how's he our uncle?" Dylan persisted.

"Manners," Zee admonished him as she fished for a response. She said the first thing that came into her head. "He's Aunt Abby's husband."

Tony choked on thin air. Gibbs had an eyebrow quirked and Kate looked like a fish. Zee's phone went off and she quickly answered it.

"Yeah?" she questioned. "Uh-huh…I'll be right there!"

She tucked the phone away, bending to kiss her niece and nephew's heads.

"Look after them, Jay, Tony. Thank you!"

And with that, Zee was gone, leaving the two children with the NCIS team.

"Uncle Tony?" Dylan tugged on the tall Italian's sleeve. "Can we go see Aunt Abby?"

* * *

_(Earlier that day)_

"Zee…" Amethyst wheedled as she entered the shop, her two small children in tow.

"No," Zee didn't even look up from her paperwork.

"But I didn't even…"

"You want me to look after Dylan and Sophie."

"How do you do that?"

"Psychic."

"Please Zee!"

"Why?"

"You know that I honestly wouldn't ask this of you, but I've got a job interview…"

"Dan's in Miami, the babysitter's ill, and there's no-one else who is feasibly possible that wouldn't scar them for life." Zee finally looked up at her younger sister. "I have a coffee shop to run."

"Zee you're the last person I can ask!" Amethyst looked desperate.

"Fine! But you owe me big time!"

"I know."

"And you better get this job…"

"Or you'll tell Russ I made you look after my kids?"

"Worse. I'll tell Russ you made me look after your kids in front of mom."

Amethyst let out an 'eep' of terror.

"Now hand over the Dastardly Duo and go kick some metaphorical butt!"

"Yes ma'am!" Amethyst mock saluted. "I really owe you."

She left Zee with the two small siblings who happily terrorized anyone and everyone they met, came into contact with, or just walked past in the street. What was she going to do? An evil smirk invaded her features, accompanying a brilliant – if malevolent – idea.

* * *

Tony had somehow ended up carrying Sophie and leading Dylan down to Abby's lab.

"Hey sweetie!" he called as they entered.

"Tony-bear!" Abby exclaimed launching herself at him. Tony carefully juggled small child into one are and small goth into the other.

"Good to see you too babe."

Abby released her grip as she spotted Dylan. "Ah-ha! The Dastardly Duo. Courtesy of Zee I assume?"

"Only she called them darling."

"She would. Now, how about I give you two a tour of my labs?"

"Yes please!" the two kids agreed happily. Tony put Sophie down.

"I leave you in _my wife's_ capable hands," he stated giving Abby a significant 'blame Zee' look.

Abby kissed Tony's cheek. "Don't work too late honey."

Tony left, thanking lord for Abby's perception and cursing Zee for dropping them in it.

* * *

Abby decided that she really needed to talk to Tony and they'd just about exhausted the possibilities and intrigue of the lab. With a grin she suggested autopsy and 'Grandpa Ducky'. An idea that was greeted enthusiastically – but required and explanation of why Ducky was their Grandpa when they already had two Granddads. So they took the elevator down to where Ducky had just finished an autopsy and was clearing himself up.

"Hey Duck!" Abby grinned.

"Hello my dear," Ducky looked up from cleaning his glasses. "Oh my, you seem to have acquired two children."

"Yeah, these are Zee's niece and nephew Sophie and Dylan.

Dylan had a boy's morbid fascination with dead creatures and would have prodded the body if Ducky hadn't had an assistant wheel it away. Sophie was clearly in awe of Ducky. She toddled up to him and wrapped her arms around his leg, looking up at him with adoring brown eyes. He looked down at her kindly.

"Well hello little one," he greeted her, patting her head gently. "You know, this reminds me of my own sister's daughter, she was rather taken with me, and during family gatherings would attach herself onto me much as you are doing right now…"

"Can you watch them for a while Duck?" Abby asked. "I need to go talk to my errant Tony."

"Of course Abigail. It would be an absolute pleasure."

"Thanks."

With that Abby bounded up to the bullpen. She grinned at Kate, failed to notice when the brunette didn't return it and rounded on Tony.

"When did we get married?" she demanded. "Why wasn't I invited? And where's my ring?"

Tony blinked at the barrage of questions, then his Abby filtered slid into place and he answered them all with two words. "Blame Zee."

"Oh. She got us drunk. Now where's my ring mister?"

"Non-existant?"

"Huh, some husband you are. But seeing as you're normally so sweet I won't insist on a divorce."

At this point, Kate decided she'd had enough and practically stormed out of the bullpen, fuming silently. Abby failed to notice her friend's tormented exit – even when a junior agent asked where she was going and practically got his head ripped off.

"You probably should," Tony suggested.

"Why?" Abby asked.

"Cause Katie's…was glaring. She may have just got the entirely wrong end of the stick."

"Oh…I'll go clear things with her."

Abby bounced off, Tony shook his head and returned to his paperwork, only to be distracted by Abby bounding back to kiss his forehead and make some comment about how unutterably sweet he was. He blinked again as she left. Gibbs came in to find him staring after the forensic expert with a perplexed look on his face.

"Something wrong Dinozzo?" he asked.

"No boss," Tony vetoed with a violent shake of his head. "Just Abs being Abs. Normality really."

"Alright, I'm going to see Ducky."

Only when Gibbs was gone and Tony was alone again did it occur to him to wonder about Dylan and Sophie's whereabouts.

* * *

"Everyone's gone mad Ducky," Gibbs announced as he entered autopsy, only to realize that Ducky wasn't listening.

The ME was regaling Sophie and Dylan with a story about something or other. The two small children were perched on one of the metal autopsy tables listening raptly. Gibbs waited until Ducky was finished before clearing his throat to make his presence known.

"Ah Jethro," Ducky glanced across at him. "I was just telling these two fine children about the time I was working in the Australian outback and this young woman came to me after…but you don't want to hear about that."

"I need a moment of your time," Gibbs explained. "Things are a little mad at the moment."

"Doctor Mallard?" an assistant was holding a phone receiver. "Dead Petty Officer being brought in for autopsy."

Ducky frowned. "Jethro would you mind awfully looking after Sophie and Dylan? I don't believe that an autopsy is a conducive environment for two young and impressionable children."

"Alright," Gibbs nodded, lifting Sophie up as Dylan slid off the table. "Come on."

He led them out of the morgue towards the elevator. Sophie tugged on his collar.

"Mister Jethwo," she mumbled. "I need to go."

Gibbs looked at her for a moment before what she was saying click. He glanced around for a helpful women – they were always around when you _didn't_ need them.

* * *

The Director of NCIS, Tom Morrow was vaguely amused as he looked down at the bullpen his best team worked in. The hardened ex-Marine of the team seemed to be engaged in a game of hide and seek with two small children. He frowned. Gibbs was still on the clock. What he did on his own time was his own business, but on the clock he shouldn't be playing with children who had no apparent connection to the case he was working – not that Gibbs was working a case.

"Agent Gibbs," he called. "My office. Now."

"Yes sir," Gibbs shot to attention, practically saluting.

Five minutes later Gibbs and the two children were stood on the other side of the desk.

"Agent Gibbs who are these children?" Morrow inquired.

"Dylan and Sophie Ford-Parker sir," Gibbs replied, standing to attention. 'Dylan' was mimicking him.

"Any relation of the Miss Ford who owns the coffee shop that supplies you and Tony with coffee and lunch?"

"Yes sir, her niece and nephew sir."

"And they are here because?"

"A very good question sir. Permission to leave sir?"

"Permission denied until you explain why you were playing hide and seek on the clock."

Gibbs fell silent and for a moment the only sound was Sophie and Dylan trying – and failing – to smother laughter. Then, the shrill bleeping of a cell phone cut the air.

"Permission to answer that sir," Gibbs requested.

"Granted," Morrow nodded and Gibbs flicked his phone open.

"What?"

"_Naval Officer found murdered down town,_" Dinozzo responded with the ease of someone who'd dealt with Gibbs for years.

"Excellent!"

"_Uh Boss…did you hear what I just said right?_"

"I mean I'll be right down." Gibbs ended the call and started to back towards the door. "Dead naval officer."

"Go," Morrow pointed and Gibbs practically bolted from the room.

The two children were looking up at him with wide eyes. Sophie was making puppy dog eyes. Tom decided that he couldn't hand them over to his secretary…because she'd spoil them. Yes, that was it, she'd spoil them. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the little girl looked absolutely adorable. Nothing at all. He handed them paper and pens.

"How about you draw me a picture?"

* * *

Fornell walked into Cynthia's office. "I'm here to see the Director."

"Just one moment," the secretary smiled frostily.

A few minutes later the office door opened and the Director of NCIS ushered out two children.

"Look after Dylan and Sophie Cynthia," he ordered gesturing Fornell inside.

"Yes Director," Cynthia inclined her head smartly.

"I didn't know you had grandkids Director," Fornell commented as the first thing he noticed were the various bright children's drawings.

"I don't," Morrow retorted curtly.

"What's this supposed to be?" Fornell pointed at a picture of two pink blobs, one with a pointy object.

"Apparently it's their Aunt Zee threatening Agent Gibbs with a chocolate stick," Morrow explained wearily. Fornell looked at the next picture – judging from the labels, it was of Gibbs' team.

"Jetwo," he read. "Brown haired lady, Aunt Abs and Uncle Tony, Aunt Abs' husband. I didn't realize that Dinutzo had married Miss Sciuto."

"Neither did I. Why are you here Fornell?"

"The dead naval officer downtown was involved with drugs."

"You couldn't possibly know that before Gibbs. You came here to steal the glory didn't you?"

Fornell had the decency to look embarrassed. "Yes sir, I did indeed."

"Go wait for Gibbs then but heads with him."

"Yes sir."

"Dismissed. Oh, and if you see Agent Dinozzo, please tell him to come collect paperwork to fill out on his rather sudden marriage."

Fornell nodded and exited the office. During the short period of time he'd been inside, Cynthia's office had become a mess. Paper, pens and other items of stationary were everywhere with a very frazzled looking Cynthia in the middle and Dylan and Sophie around her.

"This is your fault," Cynthia snapped at Fornell.

"My fault?" he inquired mildly. "Has no-one tried contacting Miss Ford?"

"No, I'm an idiot! Of course I've tried! Her phone's switched off and she isn't at her shop!"

"Oh…"

"Yes, oh. Now you look after these two monsters. I have paperwork to do."

Fornell quickly ushered Dylan and Sophie down to the bullpen.

"Who are you?" Dylan demanded bluntly.

"FBI Special Agent Fornell," he replied.

"I don't like 'ou," Sophie announced with childlike honesty and sincerity, sticking her tongue out for good measure.

Fornell had a nagging sensation that he had just entered what was going to be the longest few hours of his life.

* * *

Gibbs, Kate and Tony returned to the bullpen to find a very harassed looking Fornell on the floor with a host of stationary and an animated Dylan. Sophie was curled up on Fornell's lap sucking her thumb.

"Tobias?" Gibbs drew the FBI agent's attention to them. His eyes flickered over them, assessing something.

"Agent Todd," he said abruptly, standing up and holding out Sophie. "Congratulations, you just inherited Dylan and Sophie."

"What?" Kate looked around wildly for assistance as Sophie latched onto her.

"Dinutzo, the Director wants to see you about paperwork to do with your sudden marriage to Miss Sciuto."

As Fornell left, Gibbs would swear on his boat that he heard him mutter:

"It's not worth it. The glory is just not worth it."

Gibbs frowned pensively. "Kate, go and try to return Dylan and Sophie to Zee."

"Yes Gibbs," Kate nodded. "Come on Dylan."

The three left the bullpen and Gibbs turned to Tony.

"Get the evidence to Abby," he ordered. "Then go sort out the mess about you being married to her, then find me something."

"It was the mistress," Tony stated as he headed for the lab. Gibbs frowned again once Tony was gone.

"We don't even know if he _had _a mistress."

* * *

"Please!" Kate begged the girl on the other side of the counter who she'd been arguing with for the past five minutes.

"I can't," the Texan refused yet again. "Zee would kill me. I'd upset them!"

"They're upsetting everybody at NCIS."

"It can't be that bad. Besides, NCIS has secretaries. I'm on my own here, with the lunchtime rush, and have customers to serve. So please, just leave."

Kate gave up and headed back to NCIS with Dylan and Sophie.

* * *

By that evening, Dylan and Sophie had had tours of every department in NCIS. They'd caused mayhem, havoc and chaos until handed to one of the older, sterner secretaries who frightened them into behaving. Oh, and it turned out that Tony had been right. It had been the dead naval officer's mistress who killed him. Finally, after what seemed like years, Zee bounced in.

"You two been good?" she asked as Dylan and Sophie went up to greet her.

"Yes Aunty Zee," they chorused.

"Say thank you to all the nice people."

"Thank you!"

"Alright, now let's go meet your mom for dinner."

With that she hustled them out, calling 'thank you' back over her shoulder.

"Anyone else agree that Zee's a malevolent force of evil for dumping them with us?" Tony asked.

His question was met by an en masse 'yes' and two voices claiming 'no' very loudly.

"I don't see how having those two delightful young children with us would make Zee a malevolent force of evil," Ducky explained his point of view as everyone stared at him in shock.

"I have to agree with Duck," Abby stated. "Dylan and Sophie are little angels with me. Although…I have to get Zee for telling them that I'm married to Tony…"

* * *

"So what did you two do today?" Amethyst asked her kids as she tucked them in.

"Terrorized NCIS that's what," Zee stated from the door. "Night Am."

She left her younger sister staring after her in shock and amazement.

* * *

_And that's all folks! Hope you enjoyed!!_


	4. AN: Apology

Major, major apologies!

This is just a note to say that due to making myself ill with stress from my school work, I won't be updating until after the end of March. I promise that when I finally _do_ get round to updating these stories I will try and have an influx ready to clutter up all my kind watchers email boxes. Once again, I apologize for this, and hope you will be patient with me.

Zee


	5. 74: Are You Challenging Me?

_A/N: This is a slightly belated St Paddy's Day fic. All explanations will be given at the bottom. :-D. I'm finally updating!!!_

_All characters may be a bit OOC in this, but read it as it is intended – as humour!

* * *

_

**#74 –Are You Challenging Me?**

"Are you _challenging _me Special Agent Gibbs?" Zee inquired coyly from where she was perched on Tony's desk. The rest of the team was just getting in to find both the coffee-shop proprietoress and the Lead Agent involved in what appeared to be a flirtatious conversation.

"I think I might be Miss Ford," Gibbs responded calmly, winking at her. "Do your worst."

"Oh, I _will_. Believe me, I _will_. Hey guys." Zee turned to the rest of the team waving. "There's coffee on all of your desks, and muffins, and lunch. I'll see you all later."

With that, she bounded off, leaving the somewhat confused team behind her.

"What was all that about?" Tony asked Gibbs as he sat down, absently picking up a muffin.

"It's Saint Patrick's Day," Gibbs shrugged casually.

"What's that got to do with anything?" McGee asked, taking a sip of his coffee and Tony took a bite of his muffin. Both simultaneously started spluttering, and to everyone's amazement, Gibbs burst into raucous laughter.

"You're going to have to do better than that Zee!" he called to the absent woman.

"What did she do?" Kate asked, watching the boys with amusement.

"If I'm not mistaken, wasabi sauce in the coffee, and super hot chilli in the muffin."

"Well that's novel," Kate didn't even think as she took a sip of her own coffee and coughed at the bitter taste. "Salt," she gagged out.

Gibbs chuckled. "DiNozzo, you should _know_ better than to trust anything Zee gives you on St Patrick's."

"The date completely slipped my mind boss," Tony admitted sheepishly. "I've been a little distracted lately."

Abby stormed in at that point. "What did you do to my Caff-Pow Gibbs?!"

Gibbs winced slightly, then grinned. "What's the date Abs?"

Abby moaned. "You switched it for decaf didn't you?! Damn you Zee!"

"What has the enigmatic Miss Ford done this time?" Ducky asked as he entered the bullpen.

"She introduced this damned tradition! What did she get you with Gibbs?"

Gibbs held up his coffee mug and attempted to open his fingers. "She put glue on my coffee cup. Solvent would be nice."

Tony was grinning mischievously. "Oh what fun we shall have!"

"Stop plotting until I have full use of my hand, DiNozzo, we are going to take Zee _down_."

Abby frowned and then gestured to Ducky, and the two of them beat a hasty retreat.

"Would someone please explain what's going on?" Kate asked plaintively as Tony set to work unsticking their boss' fingers from his coffee cup.

* * *

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking Duck?" Abby asked with a grin as they entered the morgue.

"Indeed I believe I am my dear Abigail," Ducky nodded. "Seeing as Anthony and Jethro are teaming up, and doubtless Zee's twin is in her coffee shop conspiring with her, I believe we shall have to form our own team."

Abby paused. "I was just thinking we should team up and make Gibbs and Tony's lives at work hell for today. It's just not nice to switch my Caff-Pow for a decaf!"

Ducky chuckled. "So Abigail, did you have a plan?"

"I may have one of sorts, but it will need fine tuning…"

"Then how about we adjourn to my office for a cup of tea with which to consider your plan?"

* * *

Zee danced into her shop, laughing and singing. "When Mr Oogie Boogie says, tehre's trouble close at hand, you'd better pay attention now, cause I'm the Boogie Man! And if you aren't shaking, then there's something very wrong, cause this may be the last time, hear the boogie song! Ah-wo-oh!"

"Wo-oh!" Russ echoed back, knowing it was the best way to deal with his twin.

"Ah-wo-oh!"

"Wo-oh""

"Wo-oh!"

"Wo-oh, he's the Oogie Boogie Man!"

Zee grinned at him. "Success! Tony had completely forgotten the day, and Jethro wasn't up for warning him. The wasabi was a touch of genius dear brother mine!"

"Well, darling sister, it was either assist you, or get struck by your wicked cunning!"

"…Whoever said you wouldn't darling?"

"Get your ass behind this counter Zee. We have planning to do!"

* * *

"So how do we get Zee?" Tony asked, pacing back and forwards in the confines of the elevator he and Gibbs had removed themselves to in order to plot.

"I'm working on it," Gibbs replied, leaning against a wall.

"We can't let her defeat us again! Last year was just _humiliating_! And how in hell's name did she manage to get the director's letter-paper to send us letters declaring we were fired?!"

"It's Zee, she probably explained what she wanted to do, and gave him those damned doe eyes we all fall for."

"…That's probably alarmingly close to what actually happened…"

"How well can you distract Zee?"

"Depends on who else is there… Why, do you have a plan?"

"I may have a plan that will stretch the boundaries of the rules…"

"What rules? Just about anything is acceptable today so long as it's in a highly hilarious manner!"

"…Fair point… Here's what we do…"

* * *

Kate and McGee were confused as to what was going on. No-one had given them any hints, and both had had to make trips to the canteen to get what passed for coffee and breakfast, before returning to an empty bullpen with agents glaring at the lift that was stuck between two floors.

"You'd think a federal building would have more than one elevator wouldn't you?" Kate mused idly, as she attempted to complete some paperwork.

"I wonder where Gibbs and Tony are," Tim responded. "It's making me nervous."

"You and me both," the voice of Tom Morrow announced the Director's entrance into the bullpen. "Especially today. I suggest you two start plotting before they come up with something horrific to do to you. Last year, Miss Ford sweet-talked some of my letter-paper out of me and sent Gibbs and Tony letters effectively stating they were fired."

Kate spluttered her coffee. "How did they take that?"

"They marched up to my office and demanded what the hell was going on. I took one look at the letters and asked when my handwriting had become so curly. At which point it was exit stage-right for Gibbs and Tony, and enter stage-left for the scene in the coffee shop. Like I said, get plotting."

"Um…sir?" Tim asked nervously.

"Yes McGee?"

"Are you actually condoning this?"

"Well I can't stop you, so I may as well join you."

None of the three in the bullpen heard the evil cackles of Abby and Ducky as they heard that statement.

* * *

Zee had sent Russ out to complete the next part of the plan when Tony walked into the shop, a bright smile on his face and a bouquet of purple roses, which he promptly proffered to her. Zee eyed them suspiciously.

"What's wrong with them?" she asked warily.

"Absolutely nothing dearest one," Tony responded with his most disarming smile. "Why would there be anything wrong with them? Did you accidentally tip chilli into your muffin mix when you were baking them? You might want to take the rest off display before another less genial customer complains."

Zee tried to figure out whether or not Tony actually _hadn't_ remembered what day it was, and decided that he hadn't. "Thank you dear, just let me get a vase to put them in."

"Of course."

Zee disappeared into the back of the shop for five minutes before reappearing with a vase, and carefully putting the roses into them and setting them on a shelf behind the counter.

"Can I get a cup of coffee?" Tony asked, still smiling.

Zee nodded, and resisted her instinct to tamper with the coffee and just gave him a normal one. He kissed her cheek and left the shop. Zee frowned to herself. He couldn't have forgotten. Not after last year. He'd done something, she just couldn't figure out what…

Russ came back in through the back. "It's done. Abby and Ducky will be getting an interesting surprise via the rapid delivery system of frazzled sister."

"Excellent," Zee stated. "I'm sure Tony did something, I'm just not sure what…"

Abby and Ducky were somewhat surprised when they got the call saying that they had a visitor. They were not glad to see Amethyst Ford-Parker stood there looking completely burnt out with her children in hand.

"I don't have anyone else to ask!" she exclaimed. "Zee and Russ can't manage it, please?!"

Ducky and Abby acquiesced, normally the kids were great for them. But apparently, they'd been clued up on what today was because they went out of their way to be difficult. Exchanging a look, and then an evil smile, Ducky and Abby knew _exactly_ how to involve the Director in this mess, heading for his office, with Dylan and Zee in hand.

* * *

Tom Morrow hadn't quite realized the full implications of telling Kate and McGee about the rules of today. So, he was somewhat surprised to enter his office to find a very frazzled Cynthia dealing with Dylan and Sophie Ford-Parker.

"Director," she smiled frostily. "Miss Sciuto and Doctor Mallard said you'd agreed to look after the children today. Would you kindly get them out of my office?"

Tom groaned, but acquiesced. While he was the Director of NCIS, his secretary still scared the crap out of him.

"What do you two want to do?" he asked them.

He still remembered their _last_ trip to NCIS – he'd practically had the staff quitting on mass, DiNozzo had ended up married to Abby, Fornell had given up trying to steal the glory, and Gibbs had been playing hide and seek with them. Only McGee had escaped unscathed seeing as he hadn't been there at the time. An evil plan formed in his mind. If he was going to be involved in this, he was going to be involved in this all the way.

"Cynthia, would you kindly get Special Agent McGee up here?"

* * *

Tony and Gibbs were feeling rather proud of themselves when they sauntered back into the bullpen. This feeling of satisfaction lasted for about five minutes after they sat down. One: neither of their computers would work. Two: all their pens had gone missing, so they couldn't do the paperwork by hand. Three: attempts to go and fetch more stationary were somewhat hindered by being stuck to their chairs. The solvent made a quick reappearance while Kate and McGee laughed their heads off.

"Agent McGee," Cynthia called. "The Director would like to see you."

McGee nervously went to see the Director.

"It's a bit quiet for the lunchtime rush isn't it?" Zee stated to her brother.

"Just a little," Russ replied. "We haven't had a single customer since Tony came to see you…"

McGee had been stuck with Sophie and Dylan. McGee had been ordered to do whatever they wanted. McGee had been forced to take them to the park. McGee had been approached by three women stating that his children were adorable. McGee had absolutely no skill with children. McGee had no idea how to deal with two malevolent forces of evil masquerading as children. If not for the fact that Tom Morrow was his boss, the Director would now be dead. Eventually, Sophie got drowsy, so McGee carried her back to NCIS and asked Abby to look after her and Dylan, who was also exhausted. The two children curled up together on Abby's futon and fell asleep.

* * *

Zee and Russ looked up at the sign that had been hung just out of sight of the windows on the coffee shop. 'Closed for Hygiene Inspection'. Zee was growling low in her throat, while Russ was quietly applauding Gibbs' and Tony's ingenuity.

"You gotta hand it to them Zee," he admitted. "They were pretty damn clever with that one."

"How the hell they got it up without our punters realizing they weren't the hygiene people I will _never_ know! But now I know what that little rat was doing!"

"I hate to point out that that 'little rat' is taller than you."

Zee glared at him, then she smirked evilly. "How do you feel about boats?"

* * *

The rest of the day passed with few incidents after Gibbs and Tony got themselves free, and the others freed themselves of young children and a rather ingenious set of handcuffs (somehow Tony had managed to handcuff Kate to her desk with her own handcuffs, in just such a way that she couldn't reach her keys).

Zee danced in about five-thirty singing loudly. "Woah, the sound of rollin' dice, to me is music in the air, 'cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man, although I don't play fair. It's much more fun, I must confess when lives are on the line, not mine, of course, but yours, old boy, now that'd be just fine!"

Tony automatically launched into the next lines. "Release me fast or you will have to answer for this heinous act!"

"Oh, brother, you're something, you put me in a spin!" Zee span around, leaning toward Tony when she came out of it. "You aren't comprehending the position that you're in. It's hopeless, you're finished, you haven't got a prayer! 'Cause I'm Mr. Oogie Boogie, and you ain't going nowhere!"

"…You don't mean that literally do you Zee?" Tony felt inclined to check.

"Course not. I just like the song. Anyway, I must salute your efforts! And collect my niece and nephew."

"Abby's lab," McGee stated calmly.

"Thank you."

With that Zee danced out. "Hit the road Jack! And don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more! Hit the road Jack! And don't you come back no more!"

"What do you reckon she did when she realized what we'd done?" Tony asked Gibbs.

"What did you do?" Kate asked.

Gibbs and Tony explained.

* * *

Gibbs headed home, quite happy to know that he could get in and get to work on his boat. He walked in, hung up his jacket, checked his mail, changed out of his work clothes and headed for the basement. He stopped dead about three steps down. Where his boat should've been, was a toy boat, with a note pinned to it. He went down and picked up the note, recognizing Zee's distinctive script.

'_You took part, you brought this on yourself. Drinks at Paddy's, 0730 Gunny. If your not there, I'll take the hint. Your Zee.'_

Gibbs saluted her and checked his watch. 0630, he had an hour.

At 0730 the entire team gathered in Paddy, with Zee and Russ, and a round of drinks. Gibbs was relieved to hear that his boat wasn't actually harmed, just carefully dismantled and stored in Russ's own basement.

"I must applaud you all on your efforts today!" Zee announced, lifting her vodka, lemon and lime. "To those who participated."

They all joined the toast.

"Think we beat our cousin and his flatmates?" Russ asked Zee.

"Hell yeah!" Zee nodded. "C'mon. What did they do? He put cheese in his roommate's shampoo, in retaliation his roommate stole his Irn Bru, he then stole his roommate's guitars and hid it in another of their flatmates' room's. Then he and one of their flatmates stole his bed and made it up on the kitchen table.(A/N) And that's only about half of what happened!"

"What was the point of all this?" Kate asked curiously.

"Too Far Day," Russ explained. "Saint Paddy's Day every year. Zee got Gibbs and Tony involved and it just evolved from there."

"Let's try this for too far," Gibbs growled, standing up, and pulling Zee out of her chair.

Zee tipped her head up to him. "What're you going to do Gunny?"

"This."

Gibbs pulled Zee tight to him, dipped his head and brought their lips together in a passionate kiss. They broke apart to catcalls from the team and Russ. Zee leant back slightly.

"Now Special Agent Gibbs, that's not _nearly_ far _enough_."

"We've lost them," Russ stated decidedly.

* * *

_A/N: everything that Zee states as happening to and by her cousin is what happened in my flat yesterday. My mates as far as I'm aware are the pioneers of Too Far Day. Hence where this fic comes from. Too Far Day basically has no rules – as Tony states, just about everything is legal as long as it's in a highly hilarious manner. :-D. This fic is written for humour, please take it as such. Oh, and the Oogie Boogie Song belongs either to Tim Burton or Danny Elfman, and I'm not sure who owns the rights to Hit the Road Jack, but it't not me._


	6. 47: Creation

_Wow...my first post in nearly 9months... This was originally written for the Dribs Drabs and Doggy Tales over on , but I posted too late :(_

_I will eventually get back to my other stories! And they will be finished! I promise!_

* * *

Gibbs wasn't sure what he was expecting when he entered Zee's apartment building, but it wasn't this. In the entrance hall for the building, what looked like half the residents of the building had gathered. Around them were scatter tins of paints, and paintbrushes. The walls had been turned into a collage of paintings, from cartoon-esque figurines, to grafitti-like scrawl, to almost impressionist paintings. Gibbs spotted the coffee-shop owner perched precariously on a set of ladders, putting the finishing touches to a smiling sun with sunglasses.

"Zee!" he yelled.

She span and waved. "Jay! Grab a paint brush, and create!"


	7. 46: Family

**_A/N:_******_Merry Christmas one and all!_

* * *

**#46 - Family**

Gibbs can taste blood in his mouth, and he's starting to think he's not as fit as he used to be, and certainly no match for the young whippersnappers (and he's been spending too long with Ducky and Zee if he's using a term like that) whose methodically hunting him down. He can hear McGee breathing heavily somewhere to his left, he doesn't have the first clue where DiNozzo is. A branch cracking behind him makes him whirl and twist, managing to avoid the projectile his attacker hurls at him, barely breaking stride as he lobs a retaliatory projectile back. This would be _so_ much easier if he had his gun.

He hears McGee cry out and moves through the dark woods towards the sound, only for a large crash to gain his attention. As he turns towards that side, a projectile crashes into his face.

"Dinner's almost ready boys!" Zee yells into the woods, and Gibbs can see her silhouetted against the lamps in the sitting room, at the French doors nearest to them.

Tony and Russ are grinning as they head back to the house, exultant in their 'win' (Gibbs will get them later, possibly with some help from Zee). The team got Christmas off at the last instant – too late to get a flight except by standby, and Ducky offered up his house for them to share Christmas together. Zee had been invited, and had immediately set to planning the meal – drawing on the greatest traditions of her own family, and the traditions of everyone else's as well. (That said, she'd staunchly refused to serve turkey, claiming that it was a Thanksgiving bird, and instead turning her attention to a large duck and a lamb joint). Zee's mum had sent Russ up, stating firmly that "Il n'ya aucun moyen de l'enfer un de mes jumeaux est passé Noël sur leurs propres!" (Zee had told them that this actually meant that there was no way in hell that one of her twins was spending Christmas on their own after they'd all heard it when Zee had pulled the phone away from her ear).

Once Zee had started cooking, Abby helping whole-heartedly, the two of them planning some untraditional trappings, and Kate had reluctantly joined them, McGee, Gibbs, Tony and Russ had been dispatched to the back garden and the surrounding woods to have one hell of a snowball fight. Ducky had been sat in the kitchen with the girls, chatting amicably (his mother had flown back to Scotland with a nurse earlier that month to spend the holiday with Ducky's cousins).

Zee was stood, holding warmed towels at the back door singing quietly. "Douce nuit, sainte nuit. Dans les cieux, l'astre luit…"

Russ was more than happy to join in, a broad smile on his face.

* * *

"Le mystère annoncé s'accomplit . Cet enfant sur la paille endormi, C'est l'amour infini, c'est l'amour infini."

The next to join in was Tony as he remembered the Christmas he'd spent with Zee's family, and singing this particular carol on Christmas Day as they waited for dinner to be served.

"Paix à tous, gloire au Ciel, Gloire au sein maternel. Qui pour nous en ce jour de Noël, Enfanta le sauveur éternel, Qu'attendait Israël, Qu'attendait Israël."

It took Gibbs a minute to bring the words to mind – he'd researched them after Zee had let slip one night that she'd always loved singing the carols in French with her family.

"Saint enfant, doux agneau. Qu'il est grand, qu'il est beau. Entendez résonner les pipeaux, Des bergers conduisant leurs troupeaux vers son humble berceau, vers son humble berceau."

Zee smiled and leant up to brush their lips together quietly.

"Joyeux Noël mon amour," she whispered against his lips. "Now go change into dry clothes. We will be serving shortly."

Gibbs slipped in beside Zee as Tony and Russ quickly took over carrying through the serving platters that all the food had been dished up onto. He leant over and kissed her cheek, resting his hand lightly on her stomach.

"Too early love," she whispered to him.

At the head of the table, Ducky has risen to his feet. "I am aware that not all of us hold with saying grace before a meal, but under the circumstances, I felt it would be appropriate, and while I am no expert, I have borrowed the words of Gertrude B Byram.

"Father, We thank Thee for this day. Bless all we do and all we say. May we each enjoy Thy blessings great, as Jesus' Birth we celebrate. And may the love that we share here, remain throughout the coming year. Amen!"

'Amen' was echoed down the table, before they all started serving themselves, with Gibbs keeping a careful eye on Zee to make sure she had a suitable amount on her plate. She rolled her eyes at him, and returned to her conversation with Russ about their family –of their family two were deployed, and Russ was lucky that his most recent tour of duty had finished barely a week earlier, another was in France with their Grandparents, while the others had all gathered in New Orleans at the Ford family home to celebrate Christmas together.

The meal was warm and friendly, and as Gibbs leant back watching the others chatter, with Zee leant sleepily against his side, all he could think was that this was family.

A Merry Christmas indeed.


End file.
